Quantum Shaman

UFOs, Faith & Religion

2011-12-17T11:29:00.000-08:00

In my distant past, I was actively involved in UFO research - a member of MUFON for awhile, and generally fascinated with the topic. Over the years, my interests evolved and I became involved in the Toltec community, wrote my own books and websites on the subject... and now I find myself being pulled back into the UFO community by a good friend who asked me to peruse a particular article which had to do with an ever-increasing trend in the field which attempts to explain away the entire UFO phenomenon by saying it is the fulfilling of a Biblical prophecy regarding "the end times."

Go figure! And here I thought the fundies were too busy bombing abortion clinics and persecuting gays to get involved in the "simple" subject of UFOs. Learn something new every day, I guess. After reading several of these articles which proclaim as if it is a fact that "UFOs are demons sent by Satan" or "My guardian angel drives a UFO"... I began to realize that the metaphysical & spiritual studies I've been engaged in for the past - oh - 56 years (yes, that IS my entire life) are not nearly as fruitloop whackadoodle as some might want to believe, and might actually be able to shed some light on these absurd belief systems which permeate the minds of so many.

So I wrote an article. Or two. Maybe three at this point. Who's counting?

WARNING: If you are a fundamentalist Christian or other hard core "true believer", read no further. My entire commentary here is designed to shed rational and reasonable doubt on your "faith". So, with that said, proceed at your own risk.
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Posted to UFO Digest, December 15, 2011

The problem with arguments based solely on Biblical texts (or any other quasi-religious text) is that the argument itself is almost invariably rooted within an existing belief system that has nothing to do with the subject at hand. From a Biblical standpoint, for example, UFOs are usually categorized as being of the demonic or the angelic realm, and the reader is essentially being asked to choose sides. If you're not FOR the angels, then you MUST be for the demons, and vice versa. This sets up a dualistic model which assumes the reader automatically agrees with the paradigm in which the article is written. In other words, the reader isn't being encouraged to THINK, but only asked to BELIEVE. And there is no "right" answer at that point - rather like... "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?"

On my own website, I often get religious believers wanting to debate me on one subject or another. And what always seems to happen is that when common sense or logic is invoked, suddenly I am accused of attacking the person or trying to "steal their faith". I always have to laugh at that, because religion is the greatest theft of common sense, logic, and personal power that has ever existed. When someone makes the decision to look at the world solely through the eyes of their religion, they have abdicated their own power and turned it over to "the church", and in doing so, the church has become the very devil it preaches against. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." Just accept on our word that everything is under control (and put that hundred dollar bill in the collection plate so we can keep telling you what to think, what to believe, how to live, who to hate. Any questions? Don't ask. Questions are of the devil.)

Question everything. Question reality. Question authority. But most of all, stop at least once a day and question your own beliefs. Do you believe God exists? If so, WHY do you believe it? Is it something you read in a book? Is it something someone told you? Really ask yourself: WHY do you believe something? Do you believe UFOs come from outer space? Inner space? What do you believe...? Why do you believe it...? This kind of questioning may seem on the surface to be annoying but it is the ONLY way we may be able to confront the fact that MOST of what we believe has nothing to do with reality itself. Man once believed the earth was flat and resided at the center of the universe, remember?

My own work focuses on the relationship between the mortal self and what might be called "the immortal Other" - the aspect of our being that is commonly called the higher self, the totality of oneself, or a variety of other names. And in the grand scheme of things, I have come to wonder if "they" (UFOs, aliens, faieries, and other mythical beings) are actually US - the part of ourselves that we project beyond this world so that we can explore other possibilities which would otherwise be unattainable to us due to the limitations of mortality itself. So if "they" are "us", where does that leave "us" and "them"?

What I've learned with regard to the UFO dilemma and most other mysteries, is that we need to look at them for what they ARE, examine them as truly awe-insping mysteries, rather than trying to assign easy conclusions and meaning to these incidents, because all too often, the incident itself might NOT be willing to fall in line with our human conclusions and meanings, at which point we run the high risk of finding ourselves at odds with the thing itself, and setting up an adversarial position, wherein we say UFOs are "evil" because they didn't agree to agree with our conclusions.

Finally, because the UFO mystery remains a mystery and a controversy, attempting to shove it into a Biblical context is not only pointless, but ultimately self-limiting. If we already BELIEVE UFOs are "of god" or "of the devil", then we cannot see it in any other light than what our pre-existing belief dictates. The moment we do that, we have abandoned all hope of Knowledge and entered into a pact with blind faith and superstitious belief. Might as well believe the Easter Bunny is at the helm and Santa Claus is driving the saucer-shaped sleigh at that point.

The destruction of faith is the beginning of evolution.

Thanks for listening,
Della Van Hise
http://www.quantumshaman.com/
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Perhaps not surprisingly, I received a good supply of hate mail from angry xtians - which is rather amusing in itself. Angry Christians. Shouldn't that be a contradiction in terms? But, of course, it is the norm and not the exception, but I digress...

What follows is a dialog that ensued between myself and the angry mob (designated herein as "AM"). AM's comments in plain text, mine in bold, designated as "QS" (Quantum Shaman).
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AM: Very interesting article. Although I am one of those people who believes a minority of UFOs do have a spiritual dimension to them. And some close encounters do exhibit almost spiritual characteristics, appearing and disappearing at will, doing speeds that defy the laws of physics, not to mention those who have had the misfortune to come into contact with those supposedly piloting these craft, who have reported the smell of sulphur and an intent to harm.

QS: The smell of sulphur. Interesting that this is automatically associated with Biblical references to hell. The reality of it is actually very scientific. Sulphur can be used as a fuel or for other purposes. It is nothing more than a chemical compound with many beneficial uses. The fact that christianity has CREATED an association (a program) between the smell of sulphur and evil... has nothing to do with sulphur itself. I personally associate the smell of oranges with an idyllic childhood, but that doesn't mean anyone else must AUTOMATICALLY share the same associations. Sulphur, alas, is just sulphur. And FYI, sulphur is also odorless. Look it up. I did.

As for crafts doing inexplicable maneuvers, there's also nothing strange or even "spiritual" about that. If the occupants have mastered the quantum universe, they will be using a form of physics that humans on Earth simply cannot (yet) wrap their minds around. You see it as spiritual. I see it as advanced science. As Arthur C. Clarke once said: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

AM: A person who believes in the Bible does not necessarily think that every unexplainable phenomenon must be of spiritual origin. But we think rationally. What sort of power source would be required to send a ship hundreds of light years across the galaxy? Assuming light speed is attainable, how long would such a journey take?

QS: You may be limiting yourself by thinking in terms of a Newtonian-based physics, when in all probability, craft from other worlds will be using some manner of "quantum" propulsion - thereby bending space and time to suit their needs. "Time" becomes irrelevant, and space that was perceived as a vast distance from a Newtonian perspective is virtually non-existent when one possesses the knowledge/technology to "warp" space.

AM: Why would an alien civilization send a probe or a craft billions of light years to even the nearest planet, only to hover around and then disappear again just as quickly? Why no contact? And why are the only ones who claim to have been contacted by aliens the people who are already involved in the occult? And why do these beings, when contact is supposedly made, always bring a "new age" message?

QS: Has it occurred to you that you might be asking the wrong question? When you ask "why", you are automatically attempting to put humanform "logic" onto what might very well be an altogether alien civilization. For all we really know, contact HAS occurred. Maybe it hasn't happened to you or to me, but who's to say it hasn't happened to someone else? When you say that the only ones who claim to have been contacted are those already involved in the occult... well... no offense, but that's absurd. And, for that matter, by strict definition, ANY religion is "the occult" - including Christianity. Think about it. It is based on the fanciful notion that a virgin was impregnated by a ghost and gave birth to a demi-god. If that isn't straight out of Greek mythology, what is?

My point is simply that your own belief systems are not AUTOMATICALLY "right" and all else automatically "wrong". If you're going to be even remotely objective, Christianity, Wicca, Buddhism, Taoism, Shintoism, and all the other "isms" are largely cultural belief systems, and each and every one of them is rooted in "the occult" - because by definition, "the occult" is that which cannot be explained by rational, logical terms. Man created religion to comfort himself - not the other way around. God doesn't need us to worship him. But many humans seem to need God, and so religion allows for a collective belief system wherein all those with that need can get together and say they all "feel" or "believe" the same thing.   Ultimately, it's nothing more than a collaborative comfort zone.

AM: There is deception in the world. The theory of evolution, the new age movement, the occult and ufology are all linked.

QS: Evolution is not a theory. While some may argue that there is no proof that man evolved from apes, the actuality of evolution itself has been proven time and again. Species adapt and change in accordance with their environment. If they didn't, we'd ALL be extinct. That's hardly new age or occult. I think you are just looking for "evil" or trying to find a comfort zone for your own beliefs. That's okay. But when you overlook scientific reality in favor of YOUR occult religious beliefs (christianity), then you are no less guilty than those you are accusing of doing that very thing.   So to say evolution, new age and the occult and ufology are all linked... that's just your belief system giving you feedback which you have programmed it to give to you. Think about it.

AM:   The "aliens" always bring a new age message, never a Christian one.

QS: Has it ever occurred to you to ask yourself why that might be? Maybe - just maybe - all of Christianity is a fairy tale that is localized here on Earth. I've always said that if I went to Zeta Reticuli IX and found a civilization that worshipped a man named Jesus, I MIGHT consider giving christianity another look. But all evidence is actually AGAINST finding the same mythology on another world, so it stands to reason the "aliens" aren't bringing Christian messages. They also aren't bringing Buddhist or Hindu or Taoist messages as far as I know. So... I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. Maybe the aliens just think for themselves and the "messages" they are delivering are HUMAN messages that can be accepted or rejected by humans - not based on the human's pre-existing religious beliefs, but based on an intrinsic connection to spirit (which does not belong exclusively to any religion, but to all living things).

AM: Why do I believe God exists? Bible prophecy proves it. Look at Israel. God said in the Bible He would bring His people back to the land. And they are back.

QS: Bible prophecy also talks about a lot of things that never happened. The bible also suggests that we should kill all homosexuals and forbid women from having a voice. So, that being the case, I tend to take the bible (and all other religious texts) with a large grain of salt.

AM: I think it's good to ask questions, don't get me wrong. But I think the Bible has the answers you are looking for.

QS: Having read the bible many times as a child and a young adult, I'd have to say that the Bible may have YOUR answers. It does not have mine. That's okay - you are free to believe whatever brings you comfort. I've never been one for ignoring the question because I'm afraid of the answer. My mother once told me, "Don't go looking for God unless you're willing to accept that you might not find him." In other words - some people are comfortable just BELIEVING what they have read or what their pastor tells them, or what they read in books. I'm not one of those people. I've searched for "God", and it always leads me right back to the mirror. God is in all of us. What we DO with that is what determines what we find looking back at us in our own reflection - aliens, demons, angels, gods... or simply the human potential.

Thou Art God: Create Yourself Accordingly
(Or at the very least, think for yourself and stop believing every little thing you hear...)

Redefining Reincarnation

2011-07-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

What if our "past lives" aren't in the past at all, but happening right now, to another aspect of our consciousness which might be called "The Double" or "The Immortal Other" or just simply "The Higher Self"?

The subject of "Redefining Reincarnation" has been an ongoing discussion on a couple of forums that are extensions of the Quantum Shaman website. For the sake of posterity, I'm going to create a series of blog entries which may help to clarify the difference between so-called "past lives" and the Totality of Self.
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A seeker wrote: If I am an imortal soul already, and you are also, as are all of the rest on the planet past and present... then why do you see it as impossible that we might not have interactions at an astral level (for lack of a better term) in dream state?

QUANTUM SHAMAN: First, I do think warriors can interact on the dream/astral level. But what's more important, perhaps, is that I do not see that "all of the rest on the planet past and present" are necessarily "immortal souls", though this is the common misconception among most belief systems on the planet. For clarification, the spirit becomes eternal through the actions of the warrior right here, right Now, in this Lifetime, and no other. Again, this might sound like a radical opinion, but it's really a matter of learning to look at the question and the world in a different way than we always have -- and only by doing can we enable and empower ourselves to evolve.

Stop for a moment and ask yourself how it would have screwed with your reality if you had been living in the time when it was discovered that the world is actually round. Trying to wrap your mind around it would be no easy task, because you had always lived on a flat earth. Many people actually went mad because of being forced to change their world view to such a large extent, and what I'm asking you to do here is much the same -- if you choose to. You may be perfectly content with your progress as it is, and it's never my Intent to tell you what to believe. It is only my obligation to present you with another piece of the puzzle. So what I'm asking you to do is to consider for a moment the possibility that each spirit is unique, not "born" immortal, but becoming immortal (eternal is actually a better word) as a result of the ations of the warrior in this life.

What if the earth really isn't flat?

Because we are inhabitants of a linear timeline, our paradigm has traditionally been to think in terms of "past lives" and therefore to view the spirit as having been here "before" we came into what we refer to as "our present incarnation." In actuality, we are looking at it backward. Our reference points are inaccurate. From my own experience, it is only as the warrior grows and progresses along the path of Knowledge that the Unique Spirit begins to grow, evolve, and expand throughout the space-time continuum. Then, from that foundation, it is accurate to say, "We have always been here and always will be." But if the warrior never begins that journey, and remains at the level of a grinning phantom, there is no actual "immortality" of the spirit, but only the fragmentation of energy which was his/her consciousness in this single "lifetime".

As humans, we're asking the wrong questions. The student says, "Master, how can I remember my past lives?" To which the master can only reply, "By living this life Wholly." That's been the pattern with myself and Orlando (my double, my immortal Other) over a long period of time. We're asking how to build a boat that won't sail over the edge of the earth -- which means we're assuming the earth is flat. Orlando's response was that he was trying to give us wings to fly over it all so as to get a better picture of The Big Picture. The earth really isn't flat. And, though this is not a popular opinion, the spirit isn't really "immortal" until we inhabit the totality of ourselves -- which means, in essence, to bring total awareness into a single assemblage point where the I-Am becomes ubiquitous, eternal, outside of time.

And, of course, from that assemblage point, the mortal self still inside the linear timestream will almost inevitably mistake the Whole self as evidence of "past lives", when in reality it is more accurately understood as follows: because the Whole self exists, it can and has/is taking on all the manifestations of past-present-future which are relevant to its own growth and evolution. If your evolution required an experience that stemmed from the "life" of a young boy in Greece, then the Whole Self could automatically and instantaneously from the assemblage point of eternity live that lifetime in its entirety, so that the holographic matrix of YOU would contain that "data". In other words, it isn't some random or accidental progression of a spirit through time. Instead, it is the Spirit of the warrior, made whole through Intent and Will, directing the Spirit to learn the lessons which will enable the warrior to become the Whole spirit.

This is what I refer to as the Circle of Self, and once it is understood it frees the warrior to embrace his own power and put aside dependencies on the idea of external forces. Again, I'm not at all discounting that these forces exist, but in most cases they are really not at all what we think. The spirit is made of eternal energy, but the consciousness which is attached to that energy is lost into fragmentation of energy if the warrior hasn't done the work of gathering the cohesion of Self in this life. IOW, the raw ingredients are sugar and flour and that doesn't change, but unless they are brought together by the will of the sorcerer, they never become a cake.

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To learn more about my work, please visit Quantum Shaman.

The Medical (Un)Profession: Wankers & Quacks!

2010-11-18T10:31:00.001-08:00

Is it just me, or is the medical profession comprised of the biggest bunch of bozos and wankers ever to come down the sewer pipes? Went to the doc a few weeks ago 'cuz I was having chest pains - probably related to my back, also probably related to the stress (what? me? stress?) that accompanies running one's own business in an economy that has been programmed to decline and continue to decline even when there is (and I quote) "not much logical reason for the continuing deterioration." But no matter... The world is a nuthouse and the lunatics are running the asylum, so... nothing new there.

Chest pains, I say. So the doc stares at me for awhile, doesn't even listen to my heart to see if I'm dead or alive, then starts writing prescriptions for the most expensive drugs on the market without so much as a by-your-leave. "You are a diabetic," he reminds me in his thick accent, as if that should explain so much for so many at a time when it seems to me that "diabetes" is the fad diagnosis of the 21st century in the same way ADHA and MPD were the fad diagnoses of the '90s. Put another way: he is telling me to behave like the label he has stuck to my ass, and gets uppity when I remind him that I am neither a label nor a dis-ease. I am a person with a name and a life partner and a cat and a dog. I am not just a "diabetic" - and with good reason - for once we become labeled by our handlers (doctors, lawyers and charlatans of all walks of life), we become to them nothing more than the label itself. And let's face it, folks. Diabetes is the cash cow of the decade! Walk into any Walmart or Rite-Aid or the like, and you will find not just a small shelf of diabetis supplies, but an entire aisle consisting of a cornucopia of products designed to put a smile on any CEO's face. So keep in mind that when your doctor tells you you're a diabetic, what he's REALLY seeing is not your potential well-being or lack thereof, but a long line of checks in the form of kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies - who KNOWINGLY market products which have more side-effects than potential benefits. Any doubt, do your own research. I did - and I was appalled!

Ask your doctor. Go ahead.

Maybe it stands to reason that when I came out of a store yesterday and glanced at the newspaper racks, there was a glaring headline which read something like, "Diabetes expected to triple by the year 2050 - 1 in 3 will have the disease!" Be afraid! Be very afraid! Run to the priests of the scalpel and ask your doctor about all those yummie drugs that are just as likely to kill you as to cure you. Wear this label! Act out your dis-ease! Be a good patient! Play your role!

Role. You're in a play, you know. We all are. Yes, including your doctor, who probably knows a lot less about your body than you do. A few months ago, one doc tried to schedule me for a prostate exam. ??? That could get interesting.

Here's the thing, folks. And this is NOT the exception to the rule near as I can tell. In 2004, my mother had 2 colonoscopies, both of which returned "normal" results. She died in 2006 of colon cancer, which had been present "for years" according to the medical examiner's final report. In 2008, my ex-husband was diagnosed with scabies (bugs, to the uninformed), and subsequently treated with expensive skin care products. The reality? His gall bladder was enlarged to twice its size, and gall stones had turn up the bile duct - NONE of which showed up on MRIs, blood tests, or the like. By the time he got a correct diagnosis and had the gallbladder removed, he had suffered severe damage of the bile duct, lost over 80 pounds, and was wandering around town in a confused state because of the resulting toxins which had built up in his system. Several years ago, a good friend went to the emergency room complaining of abdominal pain so severe she couldn't stand and could barely breathe. She was told to go home and take a laxative and an enema. She died a week later of peritonitis, caused when her impacted bowels ruptured.

Need I continue?

Why on Earth or any other civilized planet do we trust these clowns, when it is proven time and time again that they kill more people than they cure? Enough already! I go in with chest pains, and the doc gives me a prescription for pain pills and muscle relaxants! About 18 years ago, when I went in with a large lump in my breast, I was told by the first quack, "I'd recommend ignoring it for awhile and see if it goes away." Arugh! What?

The bottom line is that WE give these gonzos the power of life and death over our bodies - and it's high time we stopped just buying into their sweet-scented bullshit. So today as I was sitting in the waiting room of the lab - for over 2 hours, I might add - I found myself looking at the downtrodden, frightened people waiting to be told whether they would live or die, whether they would be asked to play the role of a Diabetic or a Heart Patient or a Cancer Victim.

Maybe it's all just a crap shoot. Society tells ue we will die of something, yet this is the same society that once told us the earth was flat, and at the center of the universe. So maybe it's time we stopped buying into the programs, turn off the idiot box that keeps trying to sell us on this or that drug and encouraing us to "Ask your doctor about mycoxafloppin..." and go back to living the way nature intended:

Eat well.
Run when the lion comes out of the jungle.
Love unconditionally.
Get fucked often (and NOT by the medical profession!)
Take back your power.

All material in this blog (essays, rants, images, poetry, et al) is copyright © by Della Van Hise, and may not be reprinted elsewhere without the prior written permission of the author. Quantum ShamanTM is a trademark of QuantumShaman.ComTM and reserves all rights

Naked in the Dark with Your Death

2009-02-11T17:45:00.000-08:00

A predilection isn't the same thing as a compulsion. I have a predilection to be a moody prick but if I indulge that compulsion then all I am is a moody prick, a slave to the dictates of my biological bent. The main point don Juan wanted to make about predilections is that they exist. Don Juan's predilection was to laugh, so there was no particular harm in indulging that one. But he knew Carlos's predilection was to be maudlin & melancholy, so he was always cautioning Carlos NOT to indulge that predilection because to do so was unhealthy for Carlos and everybody around him. Predilections are to be recognized and accepted, yes, but to indulge them is to admit one isn't strong enough to make a choice that goes against their animal leanings. Indulgence is just another form of slavery no matter how you label it. (Dan)

It's important to recognize our predilections - to have an awareness. But if we stop there and just live down to our lowest common denominator animal instincts, we have failed our commitment to our own impeccability. Some kids have a predilection to be lazy, but if the parents just accept that and do nothing to change it, then the predilection is enforced and the kid grows up to be a lazy adult. Where's the growth or evolution in that? Some people have a predilection to be angry or cruel or even perverse, but the question is whether we choose to act on our predilections or use our awareness to make a more impeccable choice. To just blindly accept our predilections is to live down to the lowest common denominator of hormones & programming and all the ingredients that make us human. Rising above our predilections is one of the first steps toward becoming other-than-human. (Della)

A good friend posted the quotes above from a private chat, but I'm afraid it will fall on deaf ears - as most stuff online tends to do. What I've observed over the past 8 years of hosting forums is that most folks have already pre-determined what they are going to believe, what they are going to do, and whether or not they have any intention of changing (i.e., evolving beyond their base-biological urges). Most are, unfortunately, stuck in habitual patterns of behaviour which are determined either by their gonads, their addictions, or both. Ouch. Ugly truth. I'll get hate mail for that one. They will use their predilections, their gonads, their addictions and their anger-management problems to justify almost any sort of lowest common demoninator thinking and lowest common denominator behaviour. They will tell you things like, "I'm just predisposed to be an asshole, and don Juan said it's okay." The reality, of course, is that don Juan said no such thing, but they would never consider allowing reason to sway them from their beliefs, because those beliefs validate their existing comfort zones and give them a good excuse to go right on being an asshole. *LOL*

It starts to remind me of Bible thumpers - using all manner of "scripture" to back up their belief systems. They might thump on the works of Castaneda or Jed McKenna or their own personal guru to justify whatever it is they want to justify - just as many xtians thump on the Bible and use it to validate their belief that God wants them to hate gays, for example, or that women should be kept barefoot & pregnant. Reason never enters into it. Not for a single moment.

So when I look at the tirades and the scripture thumping that goes on, all I can do is stand aside and be sadly amazed at the utter lack of understanding these folks have about their (so-called) spirituality. Spirituality on ANY level isn't about using your predilections to hammer or hurt someone else. It isn't about pointing the finger at your guru and blaming him for your failure, when the only one who can fail or succeed is the one in your mirror.

There's a big hooplah these days from people who are FINALLY figuring out that their greatest teacher is themselves - but in the meantime, they are quick to blame and demonize their former teachers (who have been telling them from the start that their greatest teacher is themselves). Amazing, frankly. I've had that fickle finger of blame pointed at myself a few times in the past year, and it always comes down to one thing. I can honestly say from my own heart that I have NEVER sought followers - too high maintenance and frankly, what purpose would they serve? And, in fact, when a few have TRIED to attach themselves to me, I have very directly told them I'm no guru, I don't have their answers, and all I can do is share my path with them. If they learn from that, great. If not, they are quite free to go seek their OWN way, which is what I have encouraged them to do from the beginning. I think hearing aids should be standard issue for anyone on a warrior's path, but that's just me exercising my predilection to be sarcastic.

It just seems to me that the blame game is a very efficient way of transferring responsibility from self to someone else. ANYONE else! It's a way of saying, "You were holding me back!" when the blatant and obvious reality is that the only one who can hold you back is YOU! I've said it from the start. I've repeated it... oh... a few thousand times over the years. If you need a guru, if you worship any particular teacher, if you are dependent on "What would Michael or Dick or Jesus do?", then you are sadly attached to comfort zones, and like any addict, will do whatever it takes to go on feeding your addiction. If that means convincing yourself that your former teachers are actually blood-sucking vampires from the 9th level of Hell, that's what you'll do. If it means putting some "new" guru on a pedastal and worshipping his every word, then you have done nothing to break out of your attachments - you have only transferred them from one guru to another, and it is inevitable that you will turn on THAT guru in time as well.

Only when you can stand alone in the dark night of the soul, just you and your Death, will you finally be free. Until then - for as long as attachment to earthly teachers, or the validation of your peers remains of importance to you - you are just one more wayward crusader, rattling your saber for the right to go on being a wayward crusader. Chances are, you dont' even know what you're fighting for! You're just fighting because you've decided that's the way of the warrior, even though a TRUE warrior carries no weapon.

Being a warrior isn't about brandishing your sword at demons you've imagined or created. It isn't about thumping CC's books as some sort of warped validation to what you want to believe. It isn't about convincing yourself that you're already perfect, so therefore your work is finished. Instead, it's about standing alone in the world, in yourself, in the infinite. No one can do it for you. No teacher can take you there. No teacher can stop you from going there. You'll either do it or you won't. It will not make you popular. It will not earn you friends. It may even destroy you...

But that's the rub, isn't it? I've always loved that scene in STAR WARS, where Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi stand face to face, light sabers crossing, after a long battle. When Obi Wan lowers his sword and surrenders to his death, his final words are, "You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

So the way I see it is simply this. If we have surrendered to our death, with the Knowledge that we have reached our totality, then the meager strikes of light sabers are insignificant, utterly inconsequential - just the sad battle fought by angry children who still believe there is something to 'win'.

Finding Your Voice

2009-01-02T14:54:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened over the last year on my forums, and on various other lists & groups to which I belong. We've talked about enlightenment, the matrix, Plato's cave, transmogrification, vampires, empires, con jobs, snow jobs, hand jobs, and the meaning of life. Sometimes our talks have been pleasant and reasonable. Other times, not so. And at times of late, I find myself asking... Where are we going with this? What do we hope to accomplish here? Or on any forum or list or group, for that matter. Even if we were all to come to a single agreeement - God is a giant potato and we will all be freedom fries in the afterlife which is promised to us by The Great Spud - so what? Really. So what? Where does the agreement get us? What does it do for us? Does it advance us, or does it actually limit us? Are we here seeking freedom, or just arguing for our limitations?

When I initially opened my first forum - "The Quantum Forum" - it was largely for my own assimilation... a place where I could bounce my ideas off of others on a similar journey; challenge my beliefs to the core through direct interaction with other seekers who were wrestling with the same concepts; and essentially form a foundation of my own Knowledge. Not for any great purpose. Just to see if I know, even remotely, who I am. *shrugs* What I found over the years was that the foundation not only held - though it went through several modifications & structural changes, which I see as an ongoing evolution - but it gave me a far deeper understanding of the workings of "life" than I ever would have believed possible. Understanding "the shaman's double" led to a much broader understanding of how the energy of consciousness functions, for example, and with that understanding, I was able to formulate what amounts to a personal "plan" for burning with the fire from within, slipping past the eagle, and all those other tired old cliches which have run the high risk of becoming "just words" due to overexposure. But no matter. We all know what we're talking about... Experience>Assimilation>Knowledge>New Experience>Deeper Assimilation>Evolving Knowledge. And so the cycle goes. And all plans are subject to last minute revisions.

Lately, however, I've found myself facing some rather serious dilemmas in this whole thing. Nowhere to start except in the middle. I get about 20-50 emails per day on an average, most coming through the Quantum Shaman website. While most are "simple" in the sense that they may be someone just looking for a word of encouragement, or some acknowledgement from a stranger on the internet that they aren't alone in their experiences, there are some that are of a far more serious nature. Over the past month, I've gotten emails from one person who is at the brink of despair with health issues; another from a young man who has lost everything - home, family, career - and wants to know how he may apply his path to regaining his balance; another from someone having what she herself described as "a crisis of faith regarding the Toltec path"; another from someone wanting to come live at my house and be my "apprentice"; and dozens more from people with issues that may appear far less serious to me, but are obviously every bit as serious to them.

Aside from ascertaining that these folks had exhausted all "normal" channels first (doctors, psychologists, or what-have-you), I used to ask myself what I could do to "help" these people. Now, I just write to them and hope that spirit/gnosis/nagual will open whatever "connection" is required so that my words might point them in the direction of whatever tool or understanding they are seeking. I never know, of course. All I can do is share my knowledge, share whatever tools I've found, and make sure the person I'm talking to knows that whatever "path" they are on is THEIR path - not mine. "Here - take these tools, do what you Will with them - just don't try to recreate my path (or anyone else's) because then all you're doing is building sets on the stage of the play." Frustrating thing is, even when I have said to some of them, "I can't help you - I don't have the knowledge you're looking for," many will come back with something along the lines of, "Then help me to get to the place where you CAN help me. Do I need to take a workshop? Do I need to read any particular books, attend any particular seminars?"

No. No. And no.

Sure, I have workshops available on my website. They may even be helpful in overcoming some programs, or gaining some new techniques for stalking oneself, but ultimately no workshop or seminar is going to instill in anybody any real Knowledge. These are just tools. Take all the workshops you like. Go to all the seminars you want. But at the end of the day, if it doesn't ASSIMILATE into your "life" - if it isn't who YOU are - then it's all just fingerpainting on the deck of Titanic while the boat is going down fast. Amusement. Entertainment. A do-ing that cannot substitute for simply BE-ING present in one's life from moment to moment - aware, awake, filled with simply the love of being alive.

And yet... "So how do I wake myself up?" many ask. "How do I stay awake? How can I do with MY double what you've done with yours?"

Maybe you can't. That's MY journey. Maybe it isn't your destiny at all. If it were, I suspect you'd be do-ing it - manifesting it, creating it, experiencing it - instead of LOOKING for it. So all I can say in that regard is the same thing that's been oft-repeated here over the years. There is no path to FOLLOW. There are no "gurus" who can show you the way to enlightenment. All you really need to do is ask yourself one question: What does your heart want to do? I'm not talking about the frilly emotional baggage that often gets associated with the phrase "path of heart". I'm talking about the nitty-gritty confrontation one does in one's own mirror. Do you want to be a stock broker or do you want to be a rock star? If you DO want to be a rock star - now here's where it gets tricky - do you have the ability, the commitment, and a sufficient presence of Will to actually bring this into being?

Ain't easy.

So what does that mean in the big picture? If our heart wants to be a rock star, but we have a voice like Alvin the Chipmunk, what to do? How do we apply the path of heart to our day to day lives? Do we work as a stock broker in the day and sing karaoke in the local pub at night? Maybe. If that's what satisfies your heart, then why not?

I always wanted to be a writer. Never was able to make a reasonable living at it for many reasons, but because it is the path of my heart, I write anyway. Too much for some to handle, I'm told. But ya know what? I ain't writing ANY of it for you. This is MY journey and MY path... get it? I started writing when I was about 11, on an old Royal typewriter that would cut your fingers to the bone if they slipped between the keys and down into the inner gazurkis. And in so many ways, THAT is how I created my double. THAT is how I summoned my own muse, and breathed him into being over the years. I don't expect anyone to understand that - and I certainly don't expect anyone to try to do it in the same way. Wouldn't work anyway, because it would be a recreation of someone else's path, rather than a crying out of the human heart into the void. If you want to meet your double - if that is TRULY the path of your heart - then you will DO what it takes to manifest that reality. For me, it was Star Trek and sci-fi and going out into the night and shaking my fist at the sky, saying to the empty place in my spirit, "If I can't come to you, I'll bring you to me!"

Shake your fist at the sky. Howl and dance. Do whatever it takes to manifest YOUR dream, but for the love of life, don't try to manifest someone else's! Carlos Castaneda didn't hold the patent on awakening. It's been going on for thousands of years and has taken as many forms. And I dare say that those who DO awaken will do it on their own terms, and not at the hands of any extant guru, yogi, swami, holyman or the like. Sure, those folk have some great tools to offer, but there comes that critical point when you have to hear the beat of YOUR heart and no one else's. Then, and only then, will you have the ability to BE the journey, instead of seeing yourself as some being ON a journey.

At least several times a month, via email, I have someone essentially say they want to "walk the magical path" - but ultimately I have found that really isn't so. Not really. What they usually want is to sit at the gates and peer in at whatever magical kingdom they BELIEVE they want, but most simply are not willing to take even the first step toward manifesting the desires of their own heart. Why? Many reasons. Too many to list, but just to name the most prominent, I would say the foreign installation itself stops them at the threshhold just by saying to them, "That's crazy! It's okay to dream it, but if you ever try to BE it, they'll lock you up & throw away the key!"

Fear, in other words. Fear of losing one's sanity. Fear of a permanent displacement of the assemblage point. Fear of loneliness. Whatever it is... it is fear. The internal dialogue. The consensus reality. The agreement. All of it. The checks & balances that hold us in stasis unless and until we simply DECIDE to wake up.

And here's the thing. For those people who DO only want to sit at the gates... That's okay. But if you TRULY want to live in what we've come to call "The Sorcerer's World" - you WILL. Nothing and no one will be able to stop you, for THAT is the path of your heart. That is where your world will come alive and fill every aspect of your life - no longer any "division" between your "spirituality" and your "real life persona." They will become one and the same - or that hollow, empty place will remain and you will continue to be just an actor in your own drama. And that, too, is okay... if it's what you choose.

But IF you want to find that wholeness, that "awakening" or shifting the AP into "the sorcerer's world", you will risk everything. Maybe you will even lose everything. When I first started this journey, Orlando warned that it would cost me my friends, my family, and any sense of "belonging" to the so-called "real world", and that has certainly turned out to be the case. Not because he said it would be so, but because that is where the journey has led over many years of experience and, at times, exhaustive effort on my part to prove him wrong! But, in the end, it is what it is.

Eyebrows raise, perhaps. "Is Della saying we should leave our families and join a cult?"

No. No. And no. If you think that, you need to clean out your ears.

What I AM saying is that in MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, I have not found it possible (nor desirable) to attempt to maintain the polite facades required for "a normal life" - and that includes interaction with those who have tried to say to me over the years, "Can't you just be more positive? Can't you just be my friend and, by the way, here's the script for what I want you to say on any given occasion. Can't you just nod politely and pretend you agree with me? Can't you just be one of the guys? Can't you be this way or that way? Can't you be who **I** want you to be instead of who you are?"

No.

That's the price. And for most, it is too high. "Well, I want freedom, but if it means having to give up my family and friends, then I have to find some other way." Good - do so. Find another way! By all means! You have to do the path of YOUR heart! When Orlando said this journey would cost me everything, what he meant was that it would become a CHOICE for me - because, ultimately, the journey itself holds far more value to me than family gatherings and polite dinners with old friends to discuss who's fucking whom and the proper care & feeding of rugrats. Don't get me wrong - those things are of ultimate value to some. Maybe to most. But to ME, I just keep finding too many "Smiths" taking on the mantra of the consensus reality, striving as always to drag us back into the programs. Phantoms on the road to Ixtlan, we call them in Toltec terms. Rest assured - they are very real, and the lure is a phenomenal force. A sense of belonging. Even love. "Just let go of all of this silly stuff you write about, Della, and you can be one of us. We'll love you and warm you and give you milk & cookies before you go to bed, and we'll all be together like a big, happy family."

Anybody here ever seen a happy family? I haven't. Oh, I've seen a lot of pageants and pretenses, but in my neck of the woods, most families aren't really "happy" nearly as much as they are stuck with one another by default. But no matter. That's MY experience. It doesn't have to be yours.

I've had a strange and wonderful life. Hope it continues for a long, long time to come. Over the years, I've had some friends who have gazed in at my strange life, and wanted to be a part of it in some deeper way (whatever that means). They want to have the experinces I've had. Or they want me to "produce" Orlando for their amusement. Or they want to be "along for the ride" when I side-step this "reality" and enter a world where time goes missing and inorganic beings hold tea parties at the edge of the abyss. Yes, I've done these things. Yes, some of them are even documented. And yet... so what? They are, quite simply, MY experiences. Yes, I DO believe others can have similar experiences, but those experiences have to be the ones YOU create - not anything that has been created for you in books, or tales by the fires of eternity. Your experiences. Yours alone.

And, yes, I will tell you that the price is high.

And yet...

If it is who you ARE, no force in the universe can stop you. If it is who you ARE, there is no price at all. You will follow your heart even if it leads you into hell, because what you will find is that you are perhaps happiest when battling the forces of hell, rather than sitting around the fire toasting marshmallows with all your personal demons.

Find YOUR voice. Even if you sing like Alvin, it will be YOUR song. Maybe nobody will love you for it. Maybe nobody will hate you for it. Doesn't matter. It's still your song, and there is not another one like it in all the universe.

Be the journey.

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