Sunday, October 29, 2017

Leaders & Bitches & Bullies, Oh My!

A seeker said: I would pose this question to all women. "Why did you let yourself be knocked from the center? What is it in you all (well most) today that keeps you from reclaiming it?"

I can't speak for other females, but I have never felt "knocked from the center", at least not in any personal way. I can see that women in general have been essentially forced to work behind the scenes in order to advance what might be called "the feminine agenda" (nurturing, just for example), and this seems to be largely because we live in a patriarchal society here in the west, so a lot of energy can be wasted stalking the technicalities of how to get something accomplished, whereas a man would be able to just grunt, scratch and proclaim, "It shall be done!" and there would be no question. So, for me at least, it's largely a matter of logistics - stalking any given situation to determine the easiest manner in which to get the male to think it was his own idea in the first place.

It's also interesting to note that most of our (alleged) "spiritual leaders" are male. (I say most, not all). And yet, it seems to me that the feminine spirit is often more in touch with nature/spirit. Go figure.

I got an email awhile back from a highly respected Toltec author, which read: "One of the problems you face is that all men and even many women are threatened by any female in a position of spiritual power. Until that paradigm is undone (which won't happen in our lifetime), you would do well to take a male persona for your internet activities and observe how much easier your task would become if you were perceived as a nagual man rather than a nagual woman. Having observed your website and forums for a few years now, what I would offer to you is that most of the heat and hate you attract is a direct result of the inconsequential nature of your gender. Were a male nagual to say the same things you have said, he would be heralded as a wiseman, but when a female nagual in western culture says the same things she is perceived as a shrew and a heretic."

Though I want to believe otherwise, this does indeed seem to be the case. Rather like the old adage: "A powerful man is called a leader. A powerful woman is called a bitch."

Ah well... we live in a primitive world.

Considering also the roles of male & female just in our ordinary social structure, I occasionally drop in at a local casino for dinner with friends, and occasionally I might even drop a few quarters in a slot machine just to test my luck (all of which is an illusion, by the way - "luck" doesn't exist anymore than gods exist). So one night I'm sitting at a machine and a man sits down next to me, huffing and puffing on a cigarette and blowing smoke directly in my face. The man who was on his other side waved the smoke away, and the male smoker said nothing. But when I waved his smoke away, he suddenly went into a rage, calling me names that shouldn't be repeated even in a low class whorehouse. To his surprise, I can give it as well as I get it, and I provided him with a few choice phrases that hopefully improved his vocabulary a bit.

But the real amusement came when he stood up, puffed out his chest, and asked in a gruff male voice while adjusting his man package, "Do you want to take this outside, bitch?" At this point, I could only laugh - after all, I'm technically an old lady by today's standards, yet this "gentleman" was quite willing to (in his words) "smack me and teach me a lesson." Oh, boy! I could hardly wait! But I'm also no fool, so I suggested that he take a swing right then and there - in the casino, in the presence of hundreds of surveillance cameras and multiple witnesses, including security guards who would no doubt have enjoyed dragging his mangy arse to the mat. I wouldn't have minded owning his house, his car and his inbred children.

Unfortunately, he didn't take a swing, which only disappointed me, since I haven't had a good sparring match in years and could have used the target practice. Ah well... perhaps another time. I actually got the impression he was afraid - a bona fide coward who is used to bullying women and getting away with it. I won't be bullied. I don't think he was necessarily afraid of me. He was afraid of the consequences of his actions. In other words, he couldn't have cared less about hurting someone. He only cared about getting caught. Typical. Sadly, stupidly typical.

But lest the point here get lost - remember I said that the man on the smoker's other side waved the smoke away with no consequence? Yet when a female did the same thing, she was perceived not only as a bitch but apparently as a threat to the toadie's manhood (which was undoubtedly small and withered, judging by his need to beat up old ladies). Double standards. And yet this is how our western culture operates - always has, and perhaps always will - not because it is the law of nature, but because it is tolerated and even accepted by men and women alike.

For the record, I'm not advocating violence - especially if you don't have the necessary skills to protect yourself. But what I am advocating is no longer tolerating bullies - whether in a casino, a church or online. It was only when I made the bully aware that there would be consequences to his actions that he backed down, put out his pig stick, and slithered off to his bully buddies to seek comfort in numbers. Maybe he learned something, though I doubt it. But at the very least, maybe he will think twice before attempting to bully another woman.

As for the person who emailed me suggesting I take a male pseudonym for my internet activities... there's something to be said for that. I only wish I had done it from the start because I do feel it would have made a tremendous difference.

If I had published my first book, Quantum Shaman, as "Don Julio Francisco" maybe things would be different. Who's to say? Just seems ironic and more than a little absurd to me that we judge one another by what is swinging betwixt our thighs rather than what resides between our ears.

Just some thoughts from The Bitch.

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Wednesday, July 05, 2017

Downloading the Infinite

A Message From the Shaman's Double

The art of gnosis is a poetic connection of energy between the self and the double. It is often not enough to think in terms of an energy body or a dreaming body, for those are only words that do not convey the significance of the connection itself.

I am made of dreams spanning a lifetime of lifetimes. Each moment of your mortal existence spins me closer to Wholeness, and each moment of my eternity brings us closer to a conjoining that will unite past and future, space and time, no-thing and every-thing that either of us has ever conceived in all of our infinite manifestations. You are the river. I am the sea. You are the singer. I am the song. You are the spark. I am the eternal flame.

And so we dance around this peculiar thing known as Life, each of us knowing that Life is neither the beginning nor the end, but only the middle ground upon which we may look at one another for a time through the lens of perception. It is through this Dreaming that we move toward one another. What do you want me to be? Shall I be a poet or a king, a peasant or a pawn? How you Dream me determines our totality, you see. And so I encourage you to be always dreaming me as if each dream is the first, for in the scheme of things, it is. Each dream is a lifetime, and each lifetime is a fragment of the whole self, and all these fragments are dreaming toward one another because this is how the dance is done, these are the steps of the magnificent cotillion that bring us always one step closer to that final dance on the head of that infinite pin, where all the individual aspects of the Self finally collide to become One - the singularity of awareness that is, simply... you, me, and all the infinite beings who have slipped past the eagle to be free.

Orlando - October, 2011


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Sunday, May 21, 2017

The Dark Enlightenment

"One of the darkest truths of this dark enlightenment
is that all too often it is friction that ignites the spark 
from which the fires of  enlightenment can begin to burn." 

January, 2001

This is a path of dark enlightenment.

          And immediately, the reader has some impression that tells her it isn’t the path for her. The mere use of the word “dark" conjures up images contrary to what we want to believe is “right” or “wrong”.  In the long run, to say this is a path of dark enlightenment is more accurately saying that it is not a path to be undertaken by those looking for fluffy, frilly, sweetness and light explanations or exercises that guarantee not to usurp more than 5 minutes of your valuable time. A true evolution of consciousness doesn’t respond to 5 minutes a day any more than a successful career is built on 5 minutes a day. It is not a journey for those looking only for validation of their existing beliefs and an I’m-okay-you’re-okay justification for their weaknesses. It isn’t a path that will tell you there are guardian angels looking over your shoulder, but a path which will show you that you are ultimately your own guardian, your own angel, your own destruction, or your own evolution.
 This journey isn't just a way of looking at life, but the way in which we choose to live, and as such it requires an unbending commitment to the Self.
People want to be told that it’s okay to smoke today as long as you intend to quit tomorrow. It’s okay to sit in front of the tv 7 nights a week as long as you go to church for an hour on Sunday morning. It’s okay to bury oneself utterly in one’s job or hobbies, because that’s what’s expected of productive members of society, and yet still think of oneself as a deeply spiritual person by virtue of having read the first chapter of The Four Agreements.
Of course, this isn't to say we can't find pleasure in the pleasures of life.  It's the dissipation and self-indulgence that are our greatest enemies.  For example, as I have said before, I'm not living the life of a monk with some glassy-eyed stare. On the other hand, one way I avoid the glassy-eyed stare is also by not living the traditionally normal life of the consensual reality. Going to a movie - even a really bad movie - might give me some things to think about. On the other hand, immersing myself in mindless television night after night would insure that I never think. So it's a matter of making the impeccable choice.

Knowing that we are creatures who thrive on pleasure and shun pain, it is our nature to feed the one and avoid all avenues leading to the other. And yet, what's important is not to confuse pain with hard work on the spiritual realm. It's our definitions that rule us every bit as much as how we apply ourselves to our individual journeys toward evolution. If we choose to define "pain" as anything requiring effort, we have fallen victim to the lowest common denominator of what it means to be human. While I generally have no use for slogans, there's something to be said for the idea of "no pain, no gain." We can no more expect our immortal "soul" to be healthy through neglect than we could expect our bodies to be healthy if we too much fast food, drink too much whiskey, and exercise only by raising the fork from the plate to the mouth.
We have to do the work, and it is a moment-to-moment, day-to-day mindset that guides us to always be making the choices that will further our cohesive consciousness instead of detracting from it.

Whenever we succumb to our lowest common denominator, whenever we decide, "Well, I'm only human," we have admitted defeat before ever taking the first step on the path. Whenever we decide to live down to that lowest common denominator instead of living up to our highest potential, we are consigning ourselves to the dust, and this is clearly not impeccable.

But impeccability requires hard work, and that's not what anybody wants to hear.  It wasn’t what I wanted to hear when I first talked to Orlando and he began by asking one simple question:  “Who are you?”

The answer I gave at the time was some pathetic recitation of what I believed to be a very impressive list.  “I’m a professional writer. I’m in a relationship that’s lasted for 20 years. I’m a martial artist and a horsewoman and a real estate agent.”

To which Orlando replied, “Yes, I’m sure all of those things are true, but they’re what you do. Who would you be if there were no more books to write, if your relationship were to end tomorrow, if you could no longer be involved in martial arts or horsemanship, if you did not define yourself by your job? Who are you, Della?”

I could not answer. And it was that single question which launched me on this dark and treacherous journey. I call it dark because it is not a traditional path. It cannot be called a path to enlightenment alone, for I’ve discovered that light can only be perceived from the darkness. Without the existence of the darkness, light itself would not exist.  And, ultimately, to deny the darkness within ourselves is to deny at least half of who we are. We are yin and we are yang, and another dark truth is that it will take both working together in balance and harmony to propel us into our evolution of consciousness. Why?  Because it is often from the so-called dark side of the human soul that our strongest motivation comes. If we are not hungry, we have no reason to hunt or farm and so we perish. If we do not experience fear when presented with danger, we fail to run or fight and so become prey for predators, whether human or otherwise.

But perhaps most importantly, if we do not feel real grief when we stare our own mortality in the face, we have absolutely no reason to want to live forever - if not in physical manifestation, then through the energetic vessel of the double, as a singularity of consciousness. Unconditional love is the primary motivating force behind this journey. The love I have for life, for all its beauty, and for the ones with whom I share this journey is so profound that I am compelled to turn over every proverbial rock in search of an answer that might allow us to continue this wondrous existence into infinity. So in that way, it is truly love which motivates the journey, yet without turning to face the opposite side of love (loss), we live in a false and an all too temporal garden.

Sadly, most people simply will not look at the darkness at all, and it's interesting to note that one of the primary programs currently being uploaded into all of us in this Western culture teaches us to live for the right now, grab what pleasure we can, to hell with the environment, to hell with tomorrow. The results of this are obvious. We live in a fast food world of indescribable pollution, irreparable damage to the planet, destruction of the rain forests, the extinction of thousands of species due to Man's greed, and horrors so heinous no sane individual can look at them head on and not feel outraged, horrified and overwhelmed. We've lost respect for ourselves as a species, and so most people don't even look at what they're doing or what they can do, turning instead to the false security of inane sitcoms or organized religions.  (Is there really any difference?)

What can we do about it? On an individual everyday level, we have to acknowledge the problems before we can even begin to solve them, and that's a matter of each and every person making a commitment to themselves in whatever manner they feel appropriate. On a more spiritual level, we have to turn and see the darkness before we can even begin to realize what's at stake. We have to acknowledge that we can lose the very air we breathe before we have any real motivation to change our behavior. But more than that, on a far, far deeper level, we have to acknowledge that we can lose the Self - the very I-Am consciousness - before we will find any reason to turn off the t.v., get up off the church pew, turn off the computer, and go take a long look in our own mirror, asking ourselves the first question:

"Who are you, Self?"

I once said to a fellow traveler that it has taken 10 billion years of collective evolution for the atoms of my being to come together in exactly this manner which I recognize as "Della". I have no conscious awareness of having existed before, and though I realize a great many people subscribe to the ideas of "reincarnation," I see little evidence for its existence beyond a mere molecular level. Yes, the "molecules" of Marie Antoinnette and the Marquis de Sade are still here. They have always been here and always will be. Perhaps there are even ingrams of sentience still attached to some of those energetic molecules, thus we might have a "feeling" that we were once part of Marie Antoinnette and mistake that feeling for some sort of proof that we live again, when in actuality it's only a recurrence of the molecules and not a recurrence of old Marie herself.
Each of us has within ourselves the molecules of eternity. We might just as well say we were once a tyrannosaurus rex as to say we were once Cleopatra or Queen Elizabeth I. Both are equally true. Both are equally irrelevant to the survival of our individual consciousness, the "I Am" we are right now.
I offer these ideas not to open a debate, for those who Truly Believe in reincarnation will not be swayed from that belief system any more than a true Christian can acknowledge that perhaps Jesus found the way, the truth and the life, but he himself was not the way, the truth and the life for anyone aside from himself. I offer these ideas, instead, in the hopes of encouraging every seeker to turn and really look into their own mirror and see what will be lost if we don't evolve. It's you. All that you are. All that you love. All that you have ever seen or experienced or known.

In the movie, Blade Runner, Roy Batty makes an incredible speech as he sits poised on the rooftop, on the edge of the abyss, knowing he is about to die.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
Time to die.
-Blade Runner, copyright © 1982, Warner Bros. Pictures

This is the voice of consciousness railing at its own mortality, and until each of us turns and looks in our mirror to confront what will be lost like tears in the rain, perhaps we are depriving ourselves of our strongest human potential - the potential to choose and embrace our own evolution of consciousness into eternity.

How is this done? That's the question and that's the journey. But without first asking that question, without first confronting that the thing we stand to lose is the Self, no journey is possible. Until we grieve our own mortality and go to our own funeral, we exist in the comfortable world of illusions, safe in our individual temporal garden. So in that way, the old legends of being thrown out of Eden might have some value as allegory. Until we stand naked before ourselves, tiny insignificant creatures looking out at a vast and infinite void, we simply have no reason to take action.

Of course, part of the journey is coming to recognize that we are really not the tiny, insignificant creatures we have been programmed to think. For on the other side of that "dark" molecular structure is the realization that we are far more than any tyrannosaurus rex or Marie Antoinnette or QEII. We are the entire universe, for the simple reason that we are comprised of exactly the same star stuff as the universe itself, and the universe is imbued with sentience. We can become eternally conscious if we can figure out the puzzle. Or we can surrender our atoms - but far more horrifically, we will surrender our very consciousness - back into that void if we don't evolve.
The sentient universe is neither loving nor hateful.  It is neither god nor devil. It simply exists, containing all possibilities. What determines which of those possibilities actually go through the formality of actually occurring is entirely up to the Creator.  There is only One Creator.
 You are The One.

While this is an intriguing thought, we don't achieve a state
of perfection by default. We achieve it by doing The Work.
New age enthusiasts like to refer to humans as “beings of light”. And yet, these are only hollow words, for as much as we are moved by beauty or art, we are equally as affected, perhaps even thrilled in a negative sense by extreme ugliness or the human capacity for destruction. In fact, we are far more likely as a species to watch the latest video of the bombing of (fill in the blank) than we would be to tune in to PBS to see the collected works of the great masters simulcast with Mozart or even Pink Floyd. In short, we are creatures of darkness every bit as much as we long to be “beings of light”, and it is the two halves of our souls working in creative balance that will eventually enable us to answer that question: Who are you?

That isn’t to say this is a path that promotes negativity or dark thoughts. But neither does it attempt to downplay those parts of ourselves by pretending they don’t exist, or by trying to disguise them as flaws to be overcome. We are human, and as such we are as much enthralled by an airplane crash as by the flight of the eagle, and there is a very good reason for this. We perceive in opposites - light/dark, good/evil, black/white, on/off, true/false, life/death, pain/pleasure. Without juxtaposition of perception, we cannot begin any real exploration. So to those so-called "wisdom methods" coming into current popularity which teach "only the light" or encourage participants to "banish the darkness" within themselves... I would advise you to run like hell, for the bottom line is that any teaching which encourages us to ignore literally half of our perceptions is not a teaching we can afford, for it is a method that is attempting to re-program us into acknowledging half of what we truly are. Without friction, the wheel still won't turn.

Though I once thought myself rather odd and even completely out of step with my fellow humans, I have come to realize that many, many people in this world are simply “plugged in” to a leaning toward autumn over spring, a love of night over day, a preference for the minor-keyed melodies over Sousa marches, a case of  feeling more alive on a rainy night than a sunny afternoon. And since researching shamanism, I have come to understand that some of these tendencies are simply part of what is referred to by Arnold Mindell, Michael Harner and others as a “shamanic personality” or “shamanic initiate."

It is a case of hearing a different drummer, and many of us who choose to dance to his rhythm often find ourselves in the position of being seen as witches, heathen, devil-worshippers, or simply “weirdos” in the eyes of our consensual society peers. In reality, of course, it’s all a matter of perception. A witch is nothing more than a healer or someone who seeks to use all the tools of perception with which the human organism has been gifted – call it magic or sorcery or simply self-empowerment.A heathen is only someone with whom we ourselves do not agree as to ideology. And in order to worship the “devil” I would have to believe in the traditional version of “god”, so to my perceptions, assigning such labels to someone drawn to the shamanic path is ludicrous.

 Reality is perception.  The world will see us how it will. We will see the world through the eyes of our own perception. They will seldom if ever be in agreement.

I walk this darker path because it is the only road to enlightenment I have ever seen.  I was raised in a strict Southern Baptist environment, and as a result was exposed to Christian philosophy and theology all my life. Two of my uncles were ministers. And despite all of this, despite my (somewhat unwilling) baptism at age 7 and my wholehearted attempts to believe in God as a means to salvation, I suspect that the brains this so-called “god” gave me prevented such a system of blind faith from ever taking hold because it is counter-productive to self-survival.

I’ve often said to my Christian friends that if god exists, surely he gave us this grand computer on our shoulders to use in order to better ourselves, in order to evolve to be more than we were when we came into this world, to become more than the sum of our chemical and mental processes. In short, if god exists at all, he gave us the ability to evolve – not by waiting for him to save us, but so that we could save ourselves.

One of my most profound shamanic visions came one night in meditation. It revealed to me that the Universe (what some would call "god" or "nature" or "the all") gave all she had when she sprang into being in the first place. Nothing was withheld. The Universe gave us the blueprint for eternity, for the Universe herself is struggling to evolve in all possible ways - to become greater than the sum of her parts, greater than the combined consciousness of all her individual lifeforms stretching backward and forward into infinity. The Universe is struggling for eternal cohesion of consciousness, just as those of us on this journey are.

And in her bid to evolve, she gave each of us our highest potential, building it into us through the molecular structure of "reality" itself.  It was crystal clear to me - the Universe withheld nothing. What this means, quite simply, is that we are on our own, but with all the power of the Universe imprinted onto us down to a sub-atomic level. In other words, in that grand burst of energy that caused the very Universe to spring into existence out of whatever nothingness had existed before, everything was used.  No sentience was withheld to function as "god".

May 25, 1998

Nothing was withheld at the moment of creation.
The universe won't interfere in the affairs of man...
because it can't. 
        Before anything we currently think of as being part of the universe existed, there was only an immense void – a nothingness, the abyss, a black hole which had gathered into itself all matter and energy.  It was all there was.  Yet from the nothing – literally a thought which created itself in an act of spontaneous parthenogenesis – the “universe” sprang into being.  A thought creating itself because it wanted/needed to exist as an entity separate from the void.  It required identity. In essence, it demanded life, yet the only way for it to achieve life was to create itself from the nothing and hurl itself out in all directions, a sudden sentience breaking apart from whatever non-reality had held it previously.  Because it was a thought/creation of will, it created itself with perfection – i.e., it gave itself all possibilities needed for survival and, even moreso, it gave itself and its component parts (all of those parts, including us)  the ability to evolve in order to adapt to changing circumstances within its own continuum.

        If we think of the void as containing all of matter/energy, then the universe is the stage of time – and both together create the continuum of space/time and matter/energy.  Before the universe existed, it was perhaps contained inside a single particle no larger than an atom – yet from that single component sprang all of creation, willed into being because the “entity” we recognize as the universe had to expand beyond the sum of its individual parts – i.e., it had to evolve to be more than it was before, much like an infant being born.

         In its creation, it gave all the beings who would eventually exist within itself the ability to continue through evolution – for the ironic thing about the creation of the universe is that it gave all it had.  It won’t interfere in the affairs of man because it can’t. There is nothing left of “it” except all these individual components that comprise the all – so, in other words, there is no “intelligence” sitting outside the universe who can intervene in its destiny.  In its original creation, it used all its “parts” to create the whole – which also means that it used its full intelligence, its whole awareness, its absolute will, and in doing so, it automatically created each individual “cell” of itself with those qualities. For that reason, each of us – whether man, animal, stone, vegetable, air or distant sun – has the “blueprint” for our own unique evolution.  In creating itself to survive, the universe gave us the ability to evolve.

         The problem is that the universe and all its individual components are at constant war with the void in that it’s the nature of the void to take back what came from it and it’s in the nature of the universe to avoid being taken.  For example, through death, man is returned to the void. His consciousness would appear to be obliterated from this universe and, in time, even the flesh and bone turns to ash and the ash deteriorates to atoms. Beyond that, Man cannot perceive.

         The only way to avoid such a fate is for each individual creature to create its own continuity in the same way the universe seemingly created itself from the void. We must strive to become our own individual continuum, expanding beyond the reach of the stage we currently inhabit – i.e., we must create our own continuity by saying – willing  “I Am”, just as the universe itself originally detached itself from the void when it sprang into being from the nothingness.

      It seems inconceivable that the universe came from anything but a thought, an incredible force of need/will breaking free of whatever “reality” held it together before its “birth”.  Because we are part of that creation springing from the same exact molecular “source”, we also possess that same strength of will within ourselves – the will to survive, to be more than mere “fate” has sanctioned us to be by virtue of existing within the known universe. Just as the known universe must have existed within whatever continuum previously held it, so do we exist within it, but just as the universe had to break free of the void in order to achieve its own separate continuity, so must we break free of the known universe if we intend to evolve/survive beyond it.
As parents, we teach our children survival skills. We don’t tell them to jump in the river without knowing how to swim, and rely on mommie and daddy to save them, or to carry them to heaven after they are dead. If we are truly loving parents, we teach the children to swim so that they can save themselves. Surely the Universe would do no less for her children.

Evolution through intent and will is the swimming lesson.


 If you'd like to know more about Quantum Shamanism™
and my work in general, please visit my websites at:

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Many thanks and infinite blessings...



Friday, May 19, 2017

The Back Door of The Dark Enlightenment.

Years ago when I first began actively pursuing this path, it was my belief that a state of enlightenment or being awakened would result in what amounted to total inner peace. Right. So much for false belief systems.

A few days ago, corresponding with an old friend, we were comparing inventories with regard to the notions of enlightenment. Not surprisingly, her list and mine were virtually identical in many respects. With that said, here's some of a list I compiled a couple of years ago. When I dug it out of the mothballs of cyberspace, I was somewhat surprised to find that not much has changed in those 2 years, so it would seem that "awakening" does appear to be a state-of-mind/being that, once achieved, doesn't change very much, other than to expand from its own foundation.

1. I walk through life now looking more at the scenery than the inhabitants - i.e., on long drives I am focused on the mountains, the weather, thoughts of the infinite, which leads to...

2. The human world has lost all meaning, if it ever had any.

3. There is nothing I truly long to do with regard to humanform activities. I have no desire to travel (because all destinations are within myself, therefore no real reason to leave home). I have no interest in writing the Great American Novel (so it stands to reason I'm a better writer now than pre-enlightenment, but now I have nothing I want or need to communicate...) The cornerstone of enlightenment is irony.

4. All "causes" have lost all meaning, with the exception of what I do personally and individually. I would rescue a lost kitten if it crossed my path, for example, but I would not go out and join causes as I might have done in the past.

5. I used to think I could get through to people if only I could explain myself better. This was a demon w/ my MIL in particular. Now, I no longer care if they "get me" or not. A sub-category of this observation would be... no one really cares and no one is really listening. Anyone who says otherwise is probably trying to sell you something.

6. There is a sense of isolation even when in the company of those closest to me, particularly as I watch them move further and further from enlightenment, moving deeper and deeper into "the agreement". I find myself torn between wanting to pull them back onto the path, yet knowing that anything I say might as well be said to ghosts, to an idea, a fictional character. The world at large cannot hear me, for I am the ghost

7. I marvel at the ignorance of humans. Particularly as it relates to religion. They are content to believe in God(s), but take no interest in matters of their own spirit.

8. Prior to enlightenment, I always believed it would result in a state of well-being and a perpetual smile. Not so. I am still the same person, just more disconnected from the hive. No perpetual bliss, no eternal torment. Just a different manner of looking at the world through the same eyes. Clarity without any great need to fix anything.

9. Nothing really matters, but everything is significant.

10. The flaw in the human program is that the program itself is utterly flawed. This especially pertains to mortality. By the time we are old enough or wise enough to receive "enlightenment", we are closer to the end than to the beginning.

11. If life has any meaning, it is the manifestation of spiritual evolution. What does that mean? I see it as a permanent shift of the assemblage point to what might be an inorganic state of infinite awareness. Jury's still out. Ergo, at present, life has no profound meaning other than existence itself and the pursuit of evolution.

 I'm sure there are other observations could make, but... see #2 above.


 If you'd like to know more about Quantum Shamanism™
and my work in general, please visit my websites at:

Quantum Shaman
Eye Scry Publications
Quantum Shaman's™ Blog
Della Van Hise on Amazon
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Or buy my books on Amazon or
Many thanks and infinite blessings...



Monday, January 23, 2017

You Can Lead A Sheeple to Knowledge...

"You can lead a sheeple to Knowledge, but you can't make him think."  (Some random thoughts on the end of the world.)

Some days what I really need is a 6-pack of assholes and a hammer.  (Oh, dear, did you really just say that out loud?)  Not out loud, but I said it on cyberpaper, so take it as you will and run away in terror if you need trigger warnings, because you won't be getting any today (or any other day) on my pages, and this post in particular is not going to adhere to any paradigm of political correctness, appropriate language, or positive thinking.

This post is about telling the truth as I have come to see it, and letting the chips fall where they may.  It's about being authentic as opposed to placating. It's about being who I-Am instead of pretending to be who you might want me to be.

Nowhere to start except somewhere in the middle. So I'll start at the end instead and work my way backwards. Got an email this morning from a well-meaning friend which read, "Della, you are a respected spiritual leader, and I don't think you should be saying a lot of the things you've been saying on your Facebook timeline lately because it comes across as very negative and angry and most people don't want to hear it. I'm only telling you this because I love you and value your friendship, and I don't want to see you lose friends because of your comments about politics and religion."

Wow.  Where to start on that.  Well, to begin with, I don't consider myself any sort of "respected spiritual leader." If anything, I'm just a writer who has produced several books about my journey from imbecile to enlightened crone, and who's to say if enlightenment really exists at all, or if it's only one more step on the ladder of bootstrap evolution? But here's the thing - even if I were a respected spiritual leader, I didn't get there by blowing pink smoke up anyone's ass just to see them giggle while the world was burning right behind them.

I suffer from the dark flaw of being brutally honest with people (usually not with strangers, but anyone who belongs to one of my groups or forums), and sometimes that doesn't end well because far too many "seekers" I know aren't really looking to evolve, or even to practice what they claim to believe. Most are only looking for feel-goodisms in the form of memes on the internet, and for someone to tell them "ever-thaaang's gonna be awright" even though the wolves are at the door and the fat lady has been singing since the first Tuesday in November.

And while some so-called "spiritual leaders" are willing to give you a cyberhug and assure you you're in their thoughts and prayers, I've found that in the big picture, it can be far more useful to actually allow ourselves to experience those so-called "dark emotions" from time to time, because no real change ever came from silence and obedience, but from a willingness to step out of the shadows and say in a loud voice, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

From the movie, "Network." Peter Finch as Howard Beale.
Based on Paddy Chayefsky's novel.
Point here is that I don't waste a lot of time with so-called trigger warnings or trying to coddle the overly sensitive special snowflakes who wander onto my Facebook page from time to time, and who seem to think everything must be couched in terms of kittens and free love and unicorns crapping rainbow sherbet, when the reality (especially over the past few months since the election) is that the world appears to be comprised of far more snakes and hatred and corrupt politicians crapping acid - and trying to sugar coat it with sentiments such as "putting America first". And that's about as useful as tits on a bull.

Are you still there?

If you are, good. If not, that's perfectly okay, too.

Anyone who has been on a path toward a personal evolution of consciousness for any length of time knows that the first step is pulling the plug on all those frilly programs that try to protect us or, even worse, try to blind us to the fact that 99% of all those programs are written by politicians and religious leaders and "learned men with letters after their name" - not for any noble purpose, but always and forever for their own agenda. And - now please pay attention here so I don't have to get the flying monkeys - those agendas are not in your best interest, despite what you've been told, and every time you buy into one of them, you set yourself further and further back with regard to your own goals. Not just your goals for your spiritual path, but your goals for your life.

Let's get real here. A lot of people are very angry and afraid right now, and with good reason. Telling them to "suck it up" or "get over it" or "grow a pair" really isn't helpful or at all realistic. The USA hasn't been this divided since the Civil War, even though there have been huge divisions in our people during the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights movement, and other internal conflicts along the way. Maybe a lot of racists, bigots and warmongers told the protesters in these movements to suck it up and get over it, but that only went to demonstrate their own ignorance, intolerance and - frankly - stupidity.

Be that as it may, we live in a time of great conflict at the moment, where both "sides" believe they are right, and neither side has even the most remote possibility of winning. In short, no matter what the outcome of this current situation, none of it will make one iota of difference in a million years. Agent Orange will either blow up the world or he won't. We will either be taken over by corporate greed or we won't. We will either survive... or we won't. Either way, if there are future humans still in existence to look back on our foibles, they will probably laugh at us and wonder how in all the collective worlds we didn't see this coming.

Truth is... some of us did.  And yet... No single voice is loud enough to be heard around the world unless it is amplified by the corruption of politics or the fairy tale beliefs of religion.

Long before the election, those of us who might be termed *seers* (or simply not bigots, racists, homophobes or misogynists) were shouting as loud as anyone can on social media and in the streets and wherever anyone might be listening; and yet despite the outright crimes of the man who eventually became president, those voices fell on the deaf ears of people who were afraid of losing their guns or afraid that gay marriage somehow threatened their outdated prejudices, or afraid that they would no longer be able to harass women or shoot doctors at abortion clinics, or just plain afraid that their bigotry and racism were about to be a thing of the past.

One of Donald Trump's sons, having just killed a buffalo
just for sport. Such a great example for "the first family."
Those are the people who voted for your current president. (He certainly ain't mine.)  And those are the very people who will probably be the most affected in a negative way as this administration proceeds down the road to hell. After all, it is affordable insurance that is being threatened, along with women's rights, LGBTQ rights, simple human rights, and even animal rights. (Never forget: Trump's son killing anything that moves in Africa.)  Must make a father proud.

Don't get me started. (Too late.)

During an online discussion I expressed the opinion (and it was only an opinion) that perhaps the electoral college is outdated and should be abolished, in light of the fact that the world we live in now is not the same world we were living in when that same electoral college was created. And it was created by the founding fathers, just FYI, which will give you an idea of just how old it really is. Originally created "as a compromise between election of the President by a vote in Congress and election of the President by a popular vote of qualified citizens," it also served the purpose way-back-when of representing voters who were not able to get to whatever polling places existed due to extreme distances to travel or extreme weather conditions or whatever might have prevented someone from voting. In other words, the electoral college was originally designed to represent the people, but clearly that is no longer the case - particularly when a candidate actually wins the popular vote by a million or more votes, and yet still never takes office.

It was during a discussion about these facts that some know-it-all privileged white male in a steampunk get-up suggested, "You should take a civics class and pay better attention next time." At first, I could only laugh at the arrogant aggressiveness of someone who knows nothing about me or my education. But as the conversation progressed, I could only determine that he really didn't know any better, because this is how life has always been for him. Aside from being a geek (and not an endearing one like Sheldon Cooper), he also seemed to hold the opinion that his perception was right only because it followed certain "party lines" and because it was being expressed by a card-carrying member of someone who is a True Believer in the existing programs that govern the thinking and actions of anyone not ready, willing or able to step outside that box which is comprised of adherence to pre-existing belief systems that are - in many if not most cases - outdated and outrageous in the extreme.

My point was simply this:  If we're going to pretend that "the people" have a voice in their government, then having an electoral college in today's world is like having a telephone system that consists of two cans tied together with a string. With technology as it exists today, the whole voting process is outdated, but the electoral college is actually an insult to the American people, in that it has twice now flown in the face of the popular vote, and installed what amounts to a dictator into the highest office in the country, and perhaps even in the world. Point being - the electoral college clearly does not represent the people, or the candidate who won the election would actually be in office. In this day and age, almost anyone can get to the polls, or if they can't, they can easily vote by mail. So trying to pretend the EC represents anyone other than its own agenda (and the candidate most willing to line the pockets of the electors and foreign powers) is just a travesty on the highest scale.

Fact is... I did take a Civics class. More than one. And I recall my professor saying the following in response to the dismay some class members expressed when discovering that this "process" actually could usurp the popular vote. "While that's always been a possibility, it's only happened twice in the history of the country and it's highly doubtful it will happen again in any of our lifetimes." Well, since that day in a hot and stuffy classroom, it's happened twice more - once in 2000 when Dubya lost the popular election but nonetheless became president, and again in 2016 when the Trumpkin lost the popular vote by a huge margin, but nonetheless bluffed and huffed his way into the White House.

Yes, I'm angry. Not because I voted for Hillary - I'm not a fan of her either, but I wasn't about to vote for a third-party candidate, which is tantamount to voting for Trump. In an ideal world, Bernie Sanders would have been the Democratic candidate, but as we all know, this ain't an ideal world. Certainly not anymore, if ever it was.

The real problem a lot of Americans now face (aside from the threat of thermonuclear war) is losing our insurance, losing our basic human rights, and being dragged into the dark ages by a regime that is far more "god-fearing" than rational. Last time I checked in that Civics class, there was supposed to be a separation of church and state, but I think it's fair to say that some of these current turkeys actually believe God is some guy with a long white beard sitting on a golden throne. And, oh, by the way, he's on "our side", and just as clearly none of those religious fanatics who now hold office ever read Mark Twain's "The War Prayer."

But no matter.

I could go on. I could cite the warning signs that clearly existed long before the election, and I could even point out more than a dozen incidents in the Trumpkin's recent history that would curl the toenails of any sane human being, but... You can lead the sheeple to Knowledge, but you can't make them think.  

There's a lot more that needs to be said. And rest assured, I will eventually say it. But for now, it's time for some R&R while that's still an option.

To anyone I might have offended... sorry. (Not really.) Here's the thing about that: when someone accuses me of being "disrespectful" because of some words or ideas I have expressed, keep in mind that I respect people enough to treat them as adults and not as special snowflakes. I figure anyone who is truly interested in moving beyond their programs and pre-existing belief systems probably isn't going to be offended by an authentic and heartfelt rant (even if it doesn't agree with their philosophies). Personally, I'm much more likely to get uppity when someone insults my intelligence as opposed to if they bruise my ego. So next time, instead of telling me to go take a Civics class, why not just ask me outright if I already have. Don't assume. Don't be a passive-aggressive privileged white male just because you can.

And maybe - just maybe - listen to the voices on the wind and read the writing on the wall and think before you vote.

Then the rest of the world won't have to clean up your mess.

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