I didn't like that much. Life is good. I didn't want to die. Hell, I wanted to live forever! I began to squirm inside my skin. Death as an inevitability seemed not only wrong, but sinister - an Agent Smith who had become a fixture of the consensus, a paid employee of The Machine. It wasn't a fear of dying - it was merely a sense of indignation that it has taken each of us at least 10 billion years of evolution to reach our present state of identity, and to have that suddenly and irreversibly ripped from us (for I do not believe in deities or reincarnation in the least) just seemed... absurd.
I'll avoid the deeper philosophical ramblings on the subject (and anyone who has read my books or even my website is probably aware of them anyway), except to say that this twisting and turning of my Spirit resulted in 1) a tremendous amount of energy roiling and churning and accumulating inside me as a powder keg of personal power, intent and will; and 2) a clear and concise connection to my double (whether you call it the higher self or the shaman's double or the dreaming body or the immortal Other). It was through working directly and almost constantly (I'm talking 24/7 for a period of about 3-5 years) with my double that the programs began to crumble. One or two at first, then another, until one day, it occurred to me that I had become a seer - what is defined as essentially someone who sees things as they are, not as we believe they are, or as we think they are, but the reality behind the reality, the man behind the curtain, the world outside the box.
Once that occurred is when I finally understood that being a seer is really nothing more than being permanently outside the belief systems that otherwise hold the world together. Or, more precisely, the belief systems that create what is commonly called the foreign installation - the predominant series of beliefs and practices that influence, guide and ultimately control human behavior. The end result of being outside the box is that the world and everything in it becomes essentially transparent. That isn't to say I can tell you the winning lottery numbers or the precise date on which the collapse of civilization as we know it will occur. What it does mean is that it becomes possible to discern shit from shinola, truth from lies, seekers from pretenders, and on down the line.
The end result is a permanent shift of the assemblage point***.
** Foreign Installation: If it can be perceived that the consensual reality possesses a rudimentary “hive mind”, it then becomes possible to see that this hive mind is predatory in nature, in that it invades and usurps the individual unless the individual has mastered extreme awareness. In other words we may be “taken over” by the consensual hive, whose primary agenda is to preserve its static status quo. Other – more extreme – definitions have been offered for the predatory mind, and may in fact, have truth as well.
***Assemblage Point - The mindset from which one assembles their world, consisting of a cumulative set of experiences which form a reference point unique to the individual, yet shared in common (to a point) with other members of the same species.
Support Your Local Starving Writer
I hope you'll take a look at my books and visit the Quantum Shaman website.