(Recently re-discovered journal entry from 2012, surprisingly relevant to my life today in 2020)
***
Years ago when I first began pursuing this path, it was my belief that a state of enlightenment or being awakened would result in what amounted to total peace. So much for false belief systems. A few days ago, corresponding with an old friend, we were comparing inventories with regard to the notions of enlightenment. Not surprisingly, her list and mine were virtually identical in many respects.
With that said, here's some of a list I compiled a couple of years ago. When I dug it out of the mothballs of cyberspace, I was somewhat surprised to find that not much has changed , so... "awakening" does appear to be a state-of-mind/being that, once achieved, doesn't change very much, other than to expand from its own foundation.
1. I walk through life now looking more at the scenery than the inhabitants - i.e., on long drives I am focused on the mountains, the weather, thoughts of the infinite, which leads to...
2. The human world has lost all meaning, if it ever had any.
3. There is nothing I truly long to do with regard to humanform activities. I have no desire to travel (because all destinations are within myself, therefore no real reason to leave home). I have no interest in writing the Great American Novel (so it stands to reason I'm a better writer now than pre-enlightenment, but now I have nothing I want or need to communicate...) The cornerstone of enlightenment is irony.
4. All "causes" have lost all meaning, with the exception of what I do personally & individually. I would rescue a lost kitten if it crossed my path, for example, but I would not go out and join "causes" as I might have done in the past.
5. I used to think I could "get through to people" if only I could explain myself better. This was a demon w/ some extended family members, and a few former forum members as well. Now, I no longer care if they "get me" or not.
6. There is a sense of isolation even when in the company of those closest to me, particularly as I watch them move further and further from "enlightenment", moving deeper and deeper into "the agreement". I find myself torn between wanting to pull them back onto the path, yet knowing that anything I say might as well be said to ghosts, to an idea, a fictional character. The world at large cannot hear me, for I am the ghost.
7. I marvel at the ignorance of humans. Particularly as it relates to religion. They are content to believe in God(s), but take no interest in matters of their own spirit.
8. Prior to enlightenment, I always "believed" it would result in a state of well-being and a perpetual smile. Not so. I am still the same person, just more disconnected from the hive. No perpetual bliss, no eternal torment. Just... a different manner of looking at the world through the same eyes. Clarity without any great need to "fix" anything.
9. Nothing really matters, but everything is significant.
10. The flaw in the human program is that the program itself is utterly flawed. This especially pertains to mortality - by the time we are old enough or smart enough to receive "enlightenment", we are closer to the end than to the beginning.
11. If life has any meaning, it is the manifestation of spiritual evolution. What does that mean? I *see* it as a permanent shift of the assemblage point to what might be an inorganic state of infinite awareness. Jury's still out. Ergo, at present, life has no profound meaning other than existence itself and the drive to "get out of life alive."
_________________
I'm sure there are other observations could make, but... see #2 above.
_________________
Speaking of "getting out of life alive..." I highly recommend Mikal Nyght's latest, THE IMMORTAL'S HANDBOOK. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08JJMDM28/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0
