The High Cost of Enlightenment

If all books were free, who
would have the time to write them?

In a recent discussion on the Carlos Castaneda group on Facebook, someone commented that a well-known "nagual" takes money for his teachings. I hear this argument often - not just about one man, but about many naguals, including myself. But here's the thing - Carlos used to bring don Juan a sack of groceries, and drive him all over Mexico. And while it wasn't exactly a monetary "payment", it was a form of barter appropriate to the circumstances. But isn't money just another item of barter? Are our teachers (school teachers, college professors, et al) expected to perform their services for free? Do we go to a professional such as a doctor or lawyer and expect that we will not receive a bill?

Point here is simply that nothing in life is really free. I've had people argue with me to the point of mutual unfriending about internet piracy. Many seem to think it's perfectly okay to download (read: steal) a book or movie or song from a pirate site, in which case the writer/artist never gets paid and eventually has to start asking, "Would you like fries with that?"

At THAT point, their art is usually forfeit altogether, and any knowledge or artistic talent they may possess never sees the light of day. The consensual agreement (and the foreign installation) wins because some deep-rooted programs tell some seekers that it is "wrong" for a teacher/artist/writer/musician to take money for their time and efforts.

The bullshit justifications for piracy  run rampant.
Calling a turd a rose won't make it stink any less.
Think before you stink.

All of the seekers I've ever worked with have jobs of one sort or another, and they expect to get paid. Why is it different for teachers? Is it just a sense of entitlement? Do we EXPECT everything in life to be free? I'll be sure to tell that to the door greeter at Walmart when I walk out without paying for a big flat screen t.v. and a stack of DVDs and books. "Information and the means to access it should always be free!" I'll say to her... just before the cops pull up and arrest me.

This is one reason I have personally tried to make myself and my knowledge available online. I've even encouraged other "naguals" to do the same, but most don't and most won't. One even said to me, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Meaning - why would anyone buy my book when I make it (and myself) available for free. Well... I don't have an answer to that, and it doesn't really concern me. I work for a living, own my own retail business, and do editing and book packaging for other writers as a sideline. Sure, I love it when someone buys my book or asks me for an intensive personal/private consultation, but I also love (and benefit spiritually!) from being able to interact directly with others in discussion groups, or sitting in a restaurant over lunch. That facilitates my own assimilation and - hopefully - has the potential to assist someone else with their own. To me, that's a great exchange of energy.

I don't think there are any pat answers to this question. I have come under heavy criticism in the past for taking money for my books and for my private consultations. But here's the thing - I'd be HAPPY to trade my knowledge for a sack of groceries, but that isn't the world we live in NOW. So while I sometimes WISH everything in life could be free, I can't condemn people who take money (or other forms of barter) in exchange for their expertise. The question becomes - do you as the seeker benefit from the exchange, in which case it was a price well paid. If you DON'T benefit, either find a different teacher and move on, or turn to the BEST teacher in the house: the one who lives inside your own head.

The best guru in the world is the one inside your head.

You really DO have access to all the Knowledge in the universe - through the art of silent knowing (or gnosis, as I prefer to call it). You don't even need a teacher to access that knowledge, or to learn HOW to access it, despite what you have been programmed to believe. It is right there. It is in YOU. You can call it your double or your higher self or Uncle Bob - but it's in YOU and it won't cost you a dime. But if you're successful, what it WILL cost you are all of those belief systems that tell you there's a right way and a wrong way to spiritual enlightenment. In reality, the only RIGHT way is whatever way WORKS (whether solo or with a teacher). The only WRONG way is to decide there are WRONG ways and stand on your high-fallutin' principles instead of having the courage to shatter those false foundations.

Nobody owes you anything. Nothing is ever free. When you understand that is when you will have taken a huge step toward the evolution of your awareness and freedom from the machine.

Hero or Villain?

What determines a "hero" or a "villain" is nothing more than random chance. Let's say a friend tells you he's going to jump off a cliff because his wife just left him, he has terminal cancer, and the bank has begun foreclosure procedures on his house. The two of you are standing at the edge of the abyss, and he starts to jump, but because you love him, you reach out and prevent him from jumping.

Now, let's say that after you pull him back from the abyss, his wife has a change of heart and decides to stay with him. He falls in love with her all over again, and that sends the cancer into spontaneous remission. Because he's now able to work again, the bank gives him an extension, and he is able to get his life back in order. You're a hero - because if you hadn't pulled him back from the cliff, he'd be deader'n a doornail.

Or... Let's say you pull him back from the cliff, but his wife DOESN'T change her mind. She leaves him, and his disease gets worse instead of better. He lapses into a long-term coma, the house is repossessed by the bank, and so there's not only no inheritance for ANYBODY, but his remaining family are left with his medical bills, and must atke out liens on their own property in an attempt to do what's "right", and as a result of all of this, even MORE lives are ruined. You're a schmuck! You shouldda let him jump!

And yet... the action you took was precisely the same, and can only be judged in hindsight by the outcome. The. Action. Was. Precisely. The. Same.

You did what you truly believed was right, and if things had gone another way, you would be the hero, instead of beating yourself up with guilt. But... ultimately, of course, there's no difference in what you did, so obviously there can be no "fault". It's just what is, and as with everything else in life, it can only be judged and evaluated in hindsight. We're all experts on the past, but most are blind as bats where the future is concerned.
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From a post to the Carlos Castaneda discussion group on Facebook

End of the Road

I recently had a warrior say to me: "I have gone so far down this path till there is no path."

The truth about paths is that they do end, and there is nothing you can do about it from this point forward except to forge your own path. When I talk about "the path" it is seen on many different levels. There is essentially what might be called a "process" in the beginning - some warriors connect with it through Castaneda, others through Zen, others through various & sundry manifestations of shamanism. But there comes a time when one runs out of "road", and there is just the warrior and the worlds, with no real path left to follow. You have the Knowledge, but no clear indicator of where to take it, what to do with it, nothing at all. Just you and the end of the road – and yet, it seems that when we run out of road is when the journey really begins. And that's the part of the equation that is difficult, scary, and has caused more warriors to turn back than any encounter with allies or power plants.

When I think of the 4 enemies of a man of Knowledge, the way I see it is this: fear is obvious, and something we deal with as an ongoing enemy. Clarity comes and we revel in it - sometimes getting lost in it for years. But as we come to the end of the "path", we see with that clarity that there is no more path - just a vast, untouched universe waiting for the creator's hand. It's knowing that we ARE the creator that gives us pause and brings us face to face with Power. Usually, there is a relatively long period of time during which we simply don't know what to do with our Power, and it's at that point that a lot of warriors turn back - because they have become accustomed to being followers of a path rather than FORGERS of a path.

When we're actually following that initial path (whether Castaneda, Zen, or whatever), if we are impeccable, it could be said we're not really following, but learning from the paths of others. But then comes that day when we have learned all our teachers can teach us, and we then have to go out and push the envelope of Knowledge "where no man has gone before.” There's something to that old STAR TREK cliche - because that is the warrior's ultimate journey. Where NO man has gone before. You are the first, and so the "path" disappears from beneath your feet, leaving you only with Knowledge.

A few years back, I was playing with a concept which I called "beyond human comprehension"; and a related concept "beyond human experience." This is the territory of the nagual, which defies words almost entirely. But what it amounts to is that there is an almost physical pain/confusion/anguish which the warrior begins to experience when s/he comes up against this idea of "beyond human experience." There is much humans cannot comprehend, yet it is in the attempt to do so that we push the envelope "beyond human experience". That pushing is, in itself, part of our evolution.

Sadly - very few ever make it to the end of the path, because the sorcerer's secret is that the path itself is part of the tonal, and is comforting and alluring in so very many ways. To admit that the path HAS an end, and to find oneself facing only the vast Unknown means evolving to a new level of thinking, a new level of responsibility, a new level of awareness - and THAT is far scarier than ANYTHING on "the path" the warrior has taken to get to this point.

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Copyright 2015 by Della Van Hise

All Rights Reserved

Do good and evil exist?

I often hear terms such as "dark side" and "light-worker." Do you believe there is a dark side? Or a light side, for that matter? We already know one cannot exist without the other (at least the physical properties of light and dark). But how would you classify "the dark side"? Does it exist as a "thing" or is it only one more manmade assignation? Where would one sign up for "The Dark Side?" And who decides if one is a light-worker or just a new age bliss ninny?

My reason for these questions on a large group I moderate on Facebook (Carlos Castaneda) was to find out where other seekers' thinking lies with regard to "the dark and the light." Personally, I think it's all a matter of *seeing*. From a seer's perspective, it can usually be determined that the thing we BELIEVE are "dark" may not be at all (and vice versa re the "light"). It's all a position of the assemblage point - a matter of perspective and belief systems.

As long as a warrior believes it is his/her duty or obligation to engage in a battle against "the dark side", what that warrior is really doing is engaging in a battle against his or her own beliefs and fears. Nothing wrong with that - it can be beneficial - but ONLY if the warrior KNOWS that is what s/he is doing. As long as the warrior BELIEVES there is a "dark side" the warrior CREATES the dark side as a juxtaposition to her own beliefs that she herself is of the "light."

As I have come to see it, the whole so-called battle between good and evil is basically a distraction going on in the center ring of the 3-ring circus of life. In the other two rings... the consensual reality churns along in one, while the infinite unknown sits back and laughs in the other. Overhead, the eagle swings on the trapeze, waiting for the performers to slaughter one another and send him his dinner.

The only thing in the cave of darkness is what we take with us.
True or false?

Buddha said, "We are what we think." My mentor said (and so did Voldemort), "There is no good or evil, only power." In the big picture, I have found that seemingly grim statement to be true. Good and evil are concepts, just like light and dark. When Luke Skywalker was required to go into the cave, he asked Yoda, "What's in there?" To which the little green guy replied, "Only what you take with you."

Isn't that the case with just about everything if you REALLY stop to think about it? There is no item in the world that one can hold in their hand and say, "This is good" or "This is evil." Humans assign those attributes according to what they already BELIEVE, and then act out their part in the center ring accordingly.

Why does this matter? Maybe it doesn't. Or maybe having the awareness that what we BELIEVE creates the reality we then inhabit can give us the awareness to STOP believing things MUST be light or dark, good or evil, god or devil. Without such beliefs, most conflicts would be resolved before they ever start, most wars would never be fought, and maybe the eagle would have to tighten his belt just a little.

Evil is a choice. Good is a decision. The devil is in the details.
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Stalking the Authentic Self

When someone asks who you are, they generally want to know your name, whether you’re married or single, and if you might sleep with them. Or maybe they’re just being polite and really don’t give a damn. Most likely that’s the case. But let’s assume for a moment that you really want to answer the question – “Who am I?”

Where do you look for answers?

The obvious answer is too obvious: Look inside yourself, young Grasshopper.

And yet... how do you look inside yourself if you don’t know who you are?

Ain’t that annoying?

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One of the hardest tasks we face as warriors involves coming face to face with the characters we play in our day to day lives. People who adopt roles without awareness usually find themselves in a heap of misery, because the role and reality usually don't go hand in hand.

Actors on Broadway who perform the same role for years have reported that eventually they start to lose the boundary between themselves and their character, and surely the same is true for humans in general. Live the lie long enough, and eventually the lie is all there is.

A warrior may adopt a role, but it is always done with awareness. This is the art of stalking as it was put forth by Carlos Castaneda. For example, there have been times at one of our events when I will quite happily play the role of The Dumb Blonde, because customers are less intimidated. Easiest way to explain it - when someone asks me, "So, how are you doing today?" my response is going to be what the person wants/needs to hear. "I'm great! You?" If I answered their questions truthfully, they would flee in terror. It might look something like this:

"How are you doing today?" Joe Bloke asks.

The more honest response might be... "Well, lemme see, Joe. We are, in theory, beings who are going to die, and short of taking responsibility for every moment we are alive, we will most likely fall into the abyss, experiencing the absolute annihilation of any awareness we ever possessed.The planet herself is in stage 4 terminal cancer and may be knocked out of orbit at any moment by a rogue comet, but other than that, I'm having a great day. You?"

All true, but inappropriate for the circumstances. So the stalker puts on her mask, plays her role, but always with the total knowledge that the mask is not the self. It is a tool – a survival mechanism. And yet, the moment we forget it’s a tool, we run the same risk as anyone else.

"Under no circumstances is it acceptable to put on the mask of a phantom, for all too often, what you do not realize is that the phantoms have lined the mask with glue that is anesthesia and pleasant amnesia." (Orlando – August 2001)

So what? “What does that have to do with me?” you ask.

Next time you find yourself in an intense situation arguing vehemently for your own point of view, stop for a moment and listen to your internal dialog. You will probably hear the voice of your character. You may even see him in his super hero costume, arguing for truth, justice and the Righteous Way.

Grab the nearest gun. Shoot the fucker. Then run like hell off the stage and out of the play.

The authentic self is the one standing in the shadows, waiting for you to wake up. No capes or masks. No magical weapons. No special abilities. Except one.

The authentic self is the most powerful being in the universe, because from the cohesive assemblage point of the authentic self, there is nothing you cannot do.

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An abridged excerpt from "Scrawls On the Walls of the Soul" (Della Van Hise)

All Rights Reserved

Knocking On the Devil's Door

"Don't come knocking on the devil's door
if you don't want to get dragged into Hell."

"The Price of Freedom"


A lot of people come to me saying they "want to learn." And yet, all too often, I've found that really isn't true. Even among seekers, many are just looking for agreements, a different set of false beliefs than the ones they already inhabit - and when they fail to get that, they have a tendency to flounce (a technical term), write nasty emails to me, and generally throw a tantrum because their comfort zones got rattled somewhere in the process.

My mentor once said:  "Don't come knocking on the devil's door if you don't want to get dragged into Hell." Lot of truth there - and in so many ways, the acquisition of Knowledge can be a lot like knocking on the devil's door. What we learn essentially destroys the world as we know it. Sometimes we're ready for that. Usually we're not. And knowing the difference can save a lot of wasted time, energy and emotional entanglements with that "devil."

There is no going back the way you came,
because what is forever changed...
is you.

This is why Knowledge has been called "forbidden fruit" and why the whole allegory of Adam and Eve got spun into being in the first place. Once we *see* the truth after ingesting "forbidden fruit", there's no going back to that idyllic Garden of Eden - just as apprentices throughout history have found that there is no way to UNknow what we have come to Know. In the literature of Carlos Castaneda, one of the apprentices (Pablito) lamented that he wished he could return to his normal life, before he met don Juan, before he *saw* the world and himself as they are. In The Matrix, Cypher wants nothing more than to return to the program, and all for the illusion of a juicy steak. In Interview With the Vampire, Louis is told to "Go back the way you came." But of course... there is no going back. Those roads are closed or worse... never existed at all once seen for the illusions they always were.

And yet... that's the price of freedom - finally sticking one's head above the chaotic waters of the program, and coming to actually see that 1) the world is nothing like we have been taught to believe; and 2) we ourselves are nothing like we have come to think; and 3) this is how our comfortable little world ends.  Because once seen, no amount of pissing and moaning and self-indulgence is going to reset the controls. Game over. Congratulations - you are now enlightened, and chances are you don't like it much at all, because another quality of light is that it tends to burn the eyes, especially if you've just emerged from a dark room.

Put another way - if you're not ready to have your world view shattered, you might want to consider reading Mary Poppins instead of Carlos Castaneda - and you certainly might want to consider whether you REALLY want to interact directly with others on the path who can so easily yank the rug right out from under your false belief systems. A lot of people say they want to meet a teacher or a nagual, but few really do, because few really want their comfort zones challenged in any sort of meaningful way. Particularly in our Western culture, we are programmed to think we already know everything, and as I learned from my own teachers - "Someone who believes they already know everything can learn nothing." But, of course, nobody wants to admit (even to themselves) that the information they've spent a lifetime gathering is largely just consensual programming bullshit - and so they usually end up shooting the messenger while sticking their fingers in their ears and humming "Mary Had A Little Lamb" in an attempt to drown out the message which now haunts even their Dreams.

Bottom line - if your beliefs and your feelings form the edifice of your identity, and if you NEED that edifice in order to get through your day... the quest for Knowledge probably isn't a journey you want to undertake. I say this not to be discouraging, but to warn you as my own mentor once warned me. The real "price of freedom" is losing the scared little phantom self who cowers in the shadows of your mind. The real "price of freedom" is coming to truly *see* that this is a solitary journey and the only thing that can hold you together in the face of infinity is your Knowledge, your experience, and your commitment to undoing all of those programs that hold the false consensus reality together (or "the foreign installation", if you prefer).

You are the most powerful being in the universe. Only when you take back the energy you have invested in the false belief systems of the consensus will you be able to accumulate enough personal power to actually *see* that.

Do you want to be free, or do you want to go on believing in a flat earth at the center of the universe where gods and devils control your fate?  It's up to you.

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Copyright 2015, by Della Van Hise
All Rights Reserved

Once Upon a "Time"

(Further thoughts on "The First Fundamental Lie")

Once upon a time... I was at a street fair in Palm Springs, standing in our booth. It was long after sundown and the crowds had thinned as closing time approached. Two young men came into the booth and one of them looked at me with a deep intensity. "Read Tertium Organum by Ouspensky - it will teach you about time," the young man said. I learned a lot from that book. I learned a lot MORE from the young messenger who appeared out of the nothing and just as quickly returned to it. The world (and time) are nothing like we have been taught to believe. In a recent discussion in the Carlos Castaneda group on Facebook, someone mentioned that 'without time we couldn't experience timelessness'. But is that really true? Is that only another dualistic approach to what might simply be a non-dualistic "entity"? In my excursions with the mushroom ally, a lot of my instruction in the Otherworld has been on the subject of "time" - and I can only assume there is a reason my allies continue attempting to reveal the "truth" about time. They insist it is an "illusion," but that is only a word, a description. It may be an "illusion" in the sense that our humanform (lack of) comprehension is such that we have concluded that flies cause garbage.The allies (and my double) speak of "moving between the tick and tock of the clock," which would imply existence in a "timeless" world is possible right "here" and "now" (though both of those words require the presence of "time", and so the conundrum grows.) As I see it, both "time" and "timelessness" exist within the paradoxical limitless confines of what we can only call "the hologram". It's literally the sphere of all possibility - the eye of god looking at him/herself in the mirror, and coming to realize that s/he is the creator and janitor of it all, through the window of awareness. Simultaneously - thou art god (create yourself accordingly). Words cannot unravel time even if time might occasionally allow words to be more easily unraveled.

When I have sat in the gnosis of silent knowing and just observed "time", what I inevitably *see* is the blackness of the void between galaxies. It is a non-entity. Light creates time, and so my double has also spoken of moving "between the particles of light." The sorcerer who seeks to "leave this earth in the manner of a sorcerer" understands this, and further understands that this is not "death" but a manner of transcendence, even transmogrification. The only way to defy "time" (and death) is to become transparent to them both by transcending the human form and therefore (automatically) moving between the particles of light, moving in between the tick and the tock of the clock. To become "timeless" we become that No-thing which looks to a *seer* like the void. Of course... the void is immeasurable (and immeasurably sentient), even in a single square centimeter of itself (which may well be the square centimeter of chance DJM spoke of). We are humans trying to comprehend a concept that is, quite simply, beyond human comprehension. The only way to transcend that "limitation" is to transcend the human form. Silent knowing is the first step in that direction. The second step is avoiding the automatic (and erroneous) conclusions about "time" which come from a lifetime of programming and erroneous input. We can't come to correct conclusions when we have been spoon fed incorrect information. Time will tell. __________________ Copyright 2014 by Della Van Hise All Rights Reserved

Recommended reading: Tertium Organum (Ouspensky) The Holographic Universe (Michael Talbot)

The First Fundamental Lie

A lesson from the double

The human paradigm is built on the false notion of Time, and so it could be observed by one outside of the matrix that the entire paradigm itself is erroneous because it has created within its subjects a viewpoint that is based on what inorganics (immortals) call The First Fundamental Lie. And yet, because you have always existed within the confines of The Lie, how does one undo a lifetime of belief when that belief has long since been ingrained as truth? It is one thing to undo the programs that make you human, but another thing entirely to unfasten the precepts that are fundamental to your notion of what it means to BE human – essentially what you have come to accept as ‘human abilities’ and ‘human limitations’.

Think on this, for it is only when you are willing to sacrifice The Lie that you will be able to glimpse these fundamental elements of creation which are channeled through your essential be-ing pure and limitless, but limited entirely by The Lie which was designed to do just that. Ironic, yes? You are made of the pixels and photons of limitlessness and timelessness, yet unable to access that power because the nature of any consensus is to create parameters which can only limit the power and understanding of the thing itself. And yet, here is the secret you have yet to Real-ize, contained in the question: WHO is creating the consensus?

When I say I am the only god I know, I mean this literally and without reservation, for the truest fundamental understanding of creation is that it is a self-willed manifestation through which one experiences Every-Thing while hiding from oneself that very truth. You experience your ordinary reality as "Alexis" or "Bill," yet there are continuous clues that this is only a single frequency on a much larger radio. But if all the stations were playing simultaneously, there would be no sense of organization (which is fundamental to what it means to be human, and therefore infinitely self-limiting), and so The Lie (which has become almost an entity unto itself, but really cannot *be* an entity because it is contained within the paradigm itself) has woven fables and fairy tales which try to tell you who and what you are, and for as long as you accept its intentional limitations, you will never have the ability to wrap your mind around yourself because The Lie’s primary agenda is to prevent you from doing just exactly that.

This is not something you will unravel by thinking. It is something you will either *see* or not, depending entirely on how much you are willing to release your human beliefs so as to embrace your Totality.

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Copyright 2014 by Della Van Hise

All Rights Reserved